Where to begin….

We’ve all heard “there is always someone worse off than you” or “I understand what you’re going through. I’ve had…..” When that happens how do you react? I have to admit I’m not always the best recipient of that information. I like to think that I’m an empathetic person who genuinely cares about family, friends, my clients and even strangers who are experiencing issues. I became a therapist because I wanted to help others, I wanted to be able to enable others to find their strengths and learn what works for them in order to live their lives to the fullest.

Yet, there have been many times in my own life when going through my own trials and tribulations that hearing those words and knowing that someone out there is worse off than me or can actually relate to what I’m experiencing that my response has been “I don’t care.” Yes, I know not exactly empathetic or sympathetic or even remotely nice. But that has been my knee jerk response. I cannot find it in myself at that moment to care about what someone else is going through….I find myself so caught up in my own pain, frustration, fear, anger that trying to put myself in someone else’s shoes does not rank high on my list of priorities.

Wow….how selfish that sounds as I write it out but something else I’ve realized is that out of all the things I am…a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, foster mom, therapist, niece, chronic illness survivor:-), and so much more that I’m also human! First and foremost, I have flaws. I’m so far from perfect but I keep trying not to be perfect but to be better. Better than the day before, better than my last moment, better than whatever came before and I know that I won’t stay in that moment of not caring about someone else’s pain and wallowing in my own. I know that I will allow myself the time to have my own pity party, experience the feelings and then I’ll move on.

I had a friend tell me recently that she didn’t know how I could always seem so positive or believe that things would work out. I told her I didn’t see any other choice. I think it is inherently part of my DNA that I’m a positive person and when all is said and done the alternative sucks. So, I get mad, sad, scared or whatever feeling is prominent and then I try to move on and show myself if no one else that I have to have faith because I truly believe that what we put out into the universe will come back to us. Trust me it is not easy….not at all….as I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me numerous times but then I’m still standing because that is what is important to me. I also know that I am not alone. I have been blessed with an amazing family and the most fabulous, diverse group of friends that anyone could ask for.

So, when life seems to be keeping you down (and yes, I know there are most definitely people out there worse off than me who maybe can’t see the silver lining) please give yourself some credit. Allow yourself to have those feelings but remember it starts with you….what do you want? What do you want to put out there? No, it is not as easy as saying it makes it happen. But something else I’ve learned is forgiveness begins with ourselves. Forgiving ourselves for not always being perfect. For not always having the answers, for not always responding to situations as we or others think we “should.”

There are no set ways to respond to life but for those of us dealing with things out of our control such as a chronic illness we need to know that it is okay to be “out of control” until we figure it out. Until we understand that life can knock you down but only you have the power to get back up and fight no matter how long it takes. So that is my piece for today. Maybe not eloquent, it might be relatable or not. But I hope it gives someone somewhere something to think about. As always, be kind to yourselves. This is a space for sharing whether you agree, disagree and/or have any other comments, opinions and thoughts for me or yourself.