Here we go again….or not?

I’m all about thinking positive but I have to admit that keeping calm can be a bit of a struggle at times. Since my last blog post I had a little incident this past weekend and I will admit that I wanted to freak out and scream “Are you kidding me??” I wasn’t sure what was happening or if the rug was being pulled out from under me again. I have been telling everyone and sharing how wonderful I’m doing and how my health has improved and then…BAM….I end up in the ER. Okay, so let me give you a little information on what happened. My day started out normally with errands, and work and a comfortable night at home at the end of the day. As I got ready to head to bed I realized I had a nose bleed….yeh a silly, little nose bleed….and I never get nose bleeds. But I thought “no big deal, grab a tissue and it’ll stop in a minute.” Unfortunately, since I’m on blood thinners that was not the case and I couldn’t seem to stop the bleeding and to make it worse I noticed blood coming from my eye. (I was told later that happens as it is all connected with sinuses). Until I knew that though, I panicked and since I couldn’t drive myself to the hospital and hold my nose I had to call 911. Long story short, I end up in the ER with a nose that continued to bleed and the outcome was a plastic tube that they insert into your nose (and expand!) in order to clot the bleeding. Yeh….not fun but I already looked as if I’d been in battle so what was one more indignity.

They made sure to check my labs and everything was just as good as it had been a few days before so we all chalked it up to my house being too warm, dry sinuses and needing a humidifier. Sounds simple enough, right? I can say now that since it all worked out and that I went back Sunday night to have the tube removed that I’m back to my own brand of normal…whatever that might be…..and I’m ready to take on the world again. But in the hospital while I dealt with an ongoing nosebleed which included bleeding eyes (sorry for the TMI but that is part of what made it hard to keep calm…). I could only sit there, luckily with my amazing parents who woke up and came to sit with me while we figured out what was going on and I started to tear up. I was so scared that something had gone wrong and that the past 6 months had been a dream. I panicked and in that moment I couldn’t remember how to turn my thoughts around or the advice that I’ve given to others in times like this.

Afterwards, I would be able to remember that I’m human and that I’m allowed to have feelings even if they aren’t always what I’d want. I had to work on taking a deep breath focusing my mind on the fact that no matter what was happening I had a pretty good track record of getting through it. Then I focused on using what skills I did possess and that was finding the humor in the situation….and if I could get a laugh at this moment….that was what I was going to do. So, I made a few wisecracks to my parents, the doctor and nurse and even made myself smile. Eventually, I was told I could go home and that all was going to be alright. I was able to relax and know that things were still on track and this was just one more bizarre situation that I found myself in just as so many times over the years….. as I said before my own brand of normal.

I want to believe that no matter what had been happening that I would have handled it just as well in the end and yet I also need to allow that it’s okay if I had cried, screamed, said “why??” What I work on is that after having that moment then I pick myself up, brush myself off and figure out “What now? How do I deal with this and move forward?” No, it’s not always as easy as typing those words but it’s something that I’ve been practicing for a long time and something that I want to share with others. How do you find your normal? How do you have those moments and then figure out how to move forward with the business of living? It’s an ongoing process and something that evolves along with us.

As usual, my door (or blog as the case may be) is always open for those of you who’d like to share, agree, disagree or comment one way or another. Have a wonderful night and remember….Every day is a new beginning.